I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
