When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
