I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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