you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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