'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
