the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Is Oprah even human
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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