My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
now i know why i became what i already was.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
