i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
