Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
where are my eyebrows?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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