Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
