i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Randomize
