so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
