Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
