So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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