It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
