We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
