How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
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