dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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