when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
