never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
