Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
