Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize