through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
