Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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