I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
