I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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