But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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