Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
