but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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