He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
