My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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