I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
