I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
