We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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