Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
