she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Randomize
