just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
