this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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