I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
