I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
