so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
