I miss vodka workout Fridays
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
