It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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