New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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