my room smells like sperm. sweet.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
This toilet bowl is my home.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
