you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
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