Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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