two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
