They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
