So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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