we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
