R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
