i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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