chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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