Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I got her a Nickelback box set.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
