I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
