Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
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i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
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In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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