When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
