My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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