and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
