He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
