If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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