between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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