i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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