I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
did i walk over a car last night?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
They are going to name an STD after you.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
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