When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
