her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
