he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
This baby is an asshole
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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