I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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