dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
