when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
