Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
