im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
