i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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